Focus

Last post was my big back to it post...and then I never really got back to it!
I feel like I've been waiting on something, but not quite sure what it is?

A couple of months ago I had an accident at work... I flew into the steel edged wall during the show and managed to tear the ligaments in my leg and foot. All is good now, but I've been out of action for some months. I had a lot of time on the sofa, which has resulted in gaining a few pounds and getting out of shape with my dancing (and apparently my mind).

It's been a real struggle for me to get motivated and get back to it, as my body is feeling all sorts of weirdness. I guess this feeling had spread to my head as I just haven't been able to focus and achieve anything at all, I'm really not exaggerating!
My apartment has been half tidy for weeks, my laundry has been half put away, the washing up is always half done...I just can't seem to finish anything! I feel like it's all part of the "quarter life crisis" I apparently have been experiencing over the past six months!!! I'm just waiting for some epiphany and my goals and ambitions to become clear.

Last night I went to bed late at around 02.00am, not so odd for me as I don't get in from work until 11.30 each evening. I tried to sleep but just couldn't calm my thoughts, I ended up drifting to sleep probably an hour later.
05.00am I was awake. As in WIDE awake!
I led in bed thinking of all the things I needed to do, I considered staying in bed until my alarm went off at 09.00, but instead told myself "now is the moment, GET IT TOGETHER"

I got out of bed and started frantically cleaning my apartment, I took the laundry off the close horse that had been dry for the best part of a week and finally put it away. I put another fresh load in the machine, took the rubbish out, swept and mopped the floor. Made some breakfast and prepared some healths snacks (carrot and celery sticks) for the day ahead.

I then went to the shops, did some grocery shopping and made sure to buy nothing bad. No sweets, no crisps, no icecream. Just fresh fruit, veg and some meat. I've learnt that I can't be rational with "bad" food. If it's there in my cupboards,  I 'll eat it all. That's been a bad eating habit of mine since my dance school days. I'm an all or nothing sort of guy and so today I decided on nothing, No "bad" food in the house!

Along with the food I treated myself to some bunches of flowers that were on offer.

I got home and gathered the flowers vases that I have around the apartment..


The flowers that I bought were all kinds of gorgeous! Bright and vibrant the perfect finishing touch to a nicely cleaned apartment.  
 

I took my time unwrapping the flowers, snipping off the ends and preparing them to place in the jugs. It felt some what meditative as I went stem by stem preparing them for their new homes.


I was almost robotic as I repeated the process on each flower. I noticed that this calm ritual was giving my mind a moment of stillness. It was giving me a chance to bring my thoughts together and focus, on what I wanted/ or needed to do. I took my time and enjoyed the ritual.


The satisfaction that I felt as I organised the flowers was bliss.
Somewhat symbolic to the organisation of my thoughts.


I placed these beauties around the apartment. Adding splurges of colour to the fresh and newly organised rooms.


I know that I sound hugely dramatic, but for the first time in weeks I felt like "I can do this", whatever "this" is?
I feel optimistic and somewhat ready, not sure what for, but I'm ready.


Never before have I been through a period of my life that I've felt so scatty and unfocussed. Have any of you guys experienced that?
I'm hoping the feeling that I have will last, the feeling of focus is a really positive one.
I'm hoping I can really get beck into blogging and work on my crafting. Crafting for myself and sharing the experience with you all.

Here's to finding FOCUS and hoping that it sticks!
Happy Sunday...speak soon,

7 comments

  1. I,too, have my 'down' periods. The not focusing, things half done. For me, seeing things half done, throws me even further down the rabbit hole! I am glad your leg is better. Will you be able to dance soon? Love the flowers. Colour always helps cheer me up! Have a wonderful day!

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  2. Every one goes through this. But picking yourself up is the hard part. Congratulations, keep up the good but hard work.

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  3. I agree with Deb - things half done stay half done! I see it as retreating into the back of your cave. It's not the best place to stay. You don't get to see the sunshine there. I love looking at pics of your flat. It looks so fresh and clear and hearing about your projects is so inspiring. Stay in the sun, eat that lovely good food and get back to dancing. Brendie xx

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  4. I'm glad to see your blog post, but sad that you injured yourself. I think it takes time for the healing body to adjust and patience and rest are the ticket. Don't be hard on yourself...you will get there in time. I'm glad you are feeling more energized and positive..see, you are healing! Don't be stressed about blogging either..we are here for you when you are ready! Extra hugs!

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  5. You're not alone, Matt! We've all been there. I am glad you found your turn-around point -- it sounds like you're on the right path now!!! Thanks for sharing with us -- sending more good thoughts your way :)

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  6. My funks, downs, call them what you will, can last ages. Months even, and yes sometimes years. I hate it, and although I'm constantly wanting to do something or that one thing that never seems to get done, I just can't.

    But, like you, at the moment things seem a little brighter. I'm really beginning to think about my drawing and painting again after at least two years, and I feel like I have something to work towards. I haven't actually "done" anything yet, but it's happening, and I'm counting that as being very positive!

    Stay bright and peaceful Matt and I'm sure you'll be rewarded!

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  7. Hi there,
    I just found your instagram and you blog.
    I'm kind of glad, that I'm not the only one, who seems to be in a "quarter life crisis"...before reading your blog, I didn't know how to explain that situation :) but it's the exact same you wrote down.
    And after all: you have a gorgeous blog and so many inspiring ideas, I'd like to start bunting right now.

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